Crave the Mind-Fuck!

I am in such a delicious state of slavedom! Reveling in it entirely. The past few days have been a whirlwind of exploration and rediscovery and I'm virtually saturated in my submission. It seems Master has tapped into that part of me with very little effort. Yesterday, He woke me up with the gerbil vibe inside me, then proceeded to tell me it was time for some ass-training--something I'm working on at the moment. All this after staying up most of the night just talking and discussing everything from life issues to D/s to our fears to our respective pasts. After thoroughly fucking me, we enjoyed spending the day watching a movie and just cuddling. All day I felt my submission on a deeper level. Later that night, He comforted me about the spawn going with their sperm donor for the first time in 14 months. His patience was something He wrapped around me and soothed away the fears and hurts with little thought to His own impending stings. Even later, He unknowingly tapped into my submission again without laying a finger on me or speaking of it directly. I wasn't even aware of it myself until I reached down and felt the slickness between my thighs. From that point on, I remained wrapped in that protective submissive side. I watched Him sleep for a time, then tickled Him awake with kisses. I was definitely His horny little slut at that point, but I knew how tired He was after the previous night's activities and getting up with the spawnlings in the morning. He decided a nice blow-job would finish off the night for Him, and I happily obliged. It didn't send Him off quite the way we thought it would though. Abruptly, He sat up and announced His need to be inside His slave, and proceeded to do just that. Ride me hard. Sated, we smoked and talked until He decided a little more sucking was in order. It still amazes me how such simple things can really penetrate into His slave. After a few minutes, He simply said, "Stop. Go make me some tea." The order wasn't harshly spoken, but it entered my slave mind as cleanly as if He'd ordered me on my knees to service Him. I made His tea and continued to suck Him off while He has a smoke...His particular orders were to suck until He fell asleep, then to curl against His side and stay there. Apparently I stayed there during the night, and He woke with me crammed against Him on His side of the bed this morning. Hehehe. It was a deliciously D/s day and night, and I'm feeling more and more connected to that side of me than I have been lately. I've also put my fears of my lowering pain tolerance levels to rest. The evening before, we had a violent session and I was left begging for more. I was subjected to bone-crushing pain, and I loved it! Couldn't get enough. I guess I'd just gotten far enough away from my slavedom to forget what it was I really can take. My only disappointment is I don't bruise easily, so I wasn't left with a single mark. I could definitely feel them under the skin, but I enjoy seeing His marks and it sucks that I can't. I truly hope Master continues to expore His inner sadist. Yum! Last thought, I do believe my reconnect is causing Master to define His ownership a little more; insigating His own form of exploration. And I do believe some of it is surprising Him. Not only His own reactions to it, but just how much it's effecting my mind and my desire for His collar, His hand and His Dominance over me. With each step, we're taking it a little deeper each time. Lord-love-a-duck, it's the sexiest mind-fuck possible.

A little of this, a little of that...

I have no pain tolerance. Not anymore. What's worse is I don't have the drive/desire for the levels of pain I used to be able to take/want. I keep telling myself I should make the effort to build it back up, but there's that underlying 'it's gonna hurt too much' feeling that sticks to the insides of my head and refuses to be scraped away. Topping those is the knowledge that Master has discovered His inner Sadist and enjoys that aspect of us. His patience with me regarding this is the real kicker...He's too damn caring of my feelings! Yep, totally fubar, aren't I? A Master who's understanding and tolerant, caring and compassionate? Pffftt! Who'd want that? Heh. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but I have to wonder if there are times when He can be too caring and tolerant of my wants, needs and desires. I wonder what would happen if He pushed me past this little blockage I seem to have developed. There's that fine line between being His slave and being His wife that I haven't quite gotten the hang of walking. The job descriptions in both overlap in a lot of areas, but there are times when...well, 'never the twain shall meet' as it were. It's like a damn fork in the road; which should I take at any given time? I'd like to say I'd always take the 'slave' road, but anyone with an ioda of experience knows that that isn't reality...living D/s 24/7 isn't a clear cut 'I'll always be ready and able to drop at Your feet' kinda deal. I think I've strayed off topic. I also think it's time for a little trip down the 're-examination' path. For myself at least. The one thing I can say in all certainty is: It's never very far from the surface. No matter how far I stray from my slavedom, it's never a long journey home. On a positive note, I've discovered a love of mouth-fucking. Nope, not the good old-fashioned blow-job...mouth-fucking. Oh, what a slave I be, when my Master mouth-fucks me! Fodder for another entry. ;)