Karmic smack-down, where are you?

I have news! Unfortunately, I'm no longer in the mood to write about it. I'll have to come back on another post and recapture the excitement. At the moment, I'm just irritated beyond belief. I don't understand why people choose to be 'friends' with other, less than desirable, people. What's the appeal? Being 'different'? Sometimes it's just not worth the effort to try to 'find the good' when someone repeatedly shows their true colous. I'm all for giving someone a chance, but seriously, there is a point when you just have to walk away. I have a friend, who doesn't find this 'other person', who's truly repugnant, all that bad. Now, this would normally be fine, I'm not in the habit of chosing my friends' friends, but this 'other person' is so undesirable that I have to wonder why my friend would bother. Apparently, this 'other person' wonders why my friend would bother with me, as well. This pissed me off more than I could artiuculate at the time. Maybe it's a territorial thing. He was my friend first. Silly, childish, yes. But I feel a disloyalty there. Not so much that my friend has other friends, but that he stays friends with this newbie after they've spoken badly about me. To me, the logical thing is to remain loyal to the original friend. Especially since it wasn't merely the average friendship. Again, yes, I see the 'junior-highishness' in this, but it's what's going through my head right now. Why would you want to be friends with some new person who's proven themselves to be disgusting and puts down the current friends? Bah, it's retarded. It's also made me realize people aren't always what you thought you saw, or always what you want them to be. I count few people amoung my friends, and to lose one because of some prick is a harsh deal, but this 'other person' is that repugnant, and the situation irritates me that much that it bleeds into other aspects (such as losing the excitement of the post I was originally going to make), that I feel it's a real possibility. How sad. It's like I want my friend to make a choice between us, and I feel that he'd say that he wouldn't (nor should he), and I know he'd defend this whole crapsack of a mess with the irrefutable logic that he shouldn't have to (again, he shouldn't, I agree), and that'd lead to me losing in the end. I'd lose my friend over this IE: the repugnant jerkoff gets 'picked'. Wow, now that IS junior-highish. The thing is, is I WANT him to do that. I want him to make that choice, I want to be that childish! I don't feel great about wanting it, but there is is in plain black and white...or green, or whatever colour it's on. I want to be 'picked'. Eeesh. Well, I thought I might feel better if I tried to get it out 'on paper', but that didn't so much happen. It just showed me how truly childish I can be. *Sigh* That feels great. Not. Argh, I'm gonna go concentrate on something else...this is ridiculous. I'll put my faith in that some karmic smack-down will happen and remove jerkoff from sneaking, unwanted, into my thoughts.

Warranty expires at 30

Ugh, I hurt. After days of agony, I broke down and went to the dentist today, only to learn I need a root canal done. That in itself wouldn't be so bad, but I have to wait for another 2-3 days to get it done because the area is too badly infected to do anything. In the mean time, I don't get to sleep. Yeah, that's fun. I have to keep freezing it with ice water every few minutes to keep the pain bearable. So hear I am, Sir asleep beside me, typing out this post. As if that weren't enough, my tooth issues lead to a broken toe. At least I think it's a toe. Could be a foot, but more likely a toe. Having not slept much the night before, I dozed off this morning while waiting for a phone call from the dentist to book an emergency appointment. I woke to the sound of the phone ringing and oh-so-gracefully (not)lept off the bed only to meet with the cat as it shot around my feet. I went down, trying to avoid mashing the furball into pulp, and somehow landed on the top of my instep. Sir, completely startled as I lept past Him, tried to catch me, but between the cat and sleep deprivation, He really had no chance. Oddly enough, I felt no pain. My only concern (other than mashed cat) was to get to that phone and the dentist on the other end. After about 30 seconds on the phone, I looked down and saw that my foot was already black and swelling...but still no pain. I did get the appointment (obviously), and had a good laugh about the whole thing. Even now, I feel no pain in my foot--my mouth makes up for it--although it is very swollen and black across the top. I can walk fine; just a minor limp. I swear the warranty on a body runs out at 30. Well, not one of my more thoughtful or well written posts, but hey, it's 2:30am and I'm running on very little sleep. Sadly, I have no new D/s news to report.

Forever and a day! Or, "The Re-Journey!"

Jeepers, it's been forever since I've been here. Longer since I posted anything. It's about time I did something about that. Lately, I've been trying to reconnect with my submissive side, and I'm finding it surprisingly hard to do. Well, not so much hard...as different. At least this time I know what I'm doing. Part of my reconnect has been nothing more than simply reading a journal written by a married, r/l slave. I felt a connection to this stranger for the simple fact that a) she lived as a r/l slave; b) she understood the fantasy side of being a slave is just that, fantasy. She talked about her true inner feelings, good and bad. And now... now she's gone. She's had to shut down her journal (for reasons I can't quite understand) and I found that disturbed me more than I would have guessed. I was set adrift. Still stinging from the loss, I've decided in order to re-examine my own submissive side, I need to actually re-examine MY submissive side. Not someone else's. In a way, I'm going to try to pick up the torch she was forced to lay down, and carry on in a similar fashion. That means being painfully honest; glaringly blunt, and not sugar-coating or gauze-lighting my inner feelings. It has a scary, yet oddly satisfying appeal. With that, I re-embark on the journey! At least this time I'm not running down the forest path, arms flailing, with no clue as to where I'm going, and basically unprepared for what I'll find. No, this time I have on a sturdy pair of hiking boots, a snack pack of trail-mix, and a handy-dandy guidebook, first aide kit, flashlight, and other assorted journey-type paraphenalia. More importantly, I have the two things I'll need most. A strong guiding hand and a history...