A little of this, a little of that...

I have no pain tolerance. Not anymore. What's worse is I don't have the drive/desire for the levels of pain I used to be able to take/want. I keep telling myself I should make the effort to build it back up, but there's that underlying 'it's gonna hurt too much' feeling that sticks to the insides of my head and refuses to be scraped away. Topping those is the knowledge that Master has discovered His inner Sadist and enjoys that aspect of us. His patience with me regarding this is the real kicker...He's too damn caring of my feelings! Yep, totally fubar, aren't I? A Master who's understanding and tolerant, caring and compassionate? Pffftt! Who'd want that? Heh. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but I have to wonder if there are times when He can be too caring and tolerant of my wants, needs and desires. I wonder what would happen if He pushed me past this little blockage I seem to have developed. There's that fine line between being His slave and being His wife that I haven't quite gotten the hang of walking. The job descriptions in both overlap in a lot of areas, but there are times when...well, 'never the twain shall meet' as it were. It's like a damn fork in the road; which should I take at any given time? I'd like to say I'd always take the 'slave' road, but anyone with an ioda of experience knows that that isn't reality...living D/s 24/7 isn't a clear cut 'I'll always be ready and able to drop at Your feet' kinda deal. I think I've strayed off topic. I also think it's time for a little trip down the 're-examination' path. For myself at least. The one thing I can say in all certainty is: It's never very far from the surface. No matter how far I stray from my slavedom, it's never a long journey home. On a positive note, I've discovered a love of mouth-fucking. Nope, not the good old-fashioned blow-job...mouth-fucking. Oh, what a slave I be, when my Master mouth-fucks me! Fodder for another entry. ;)